Throughout my childhood family occasions were always a big deal; a sacred opportunity to enjoy quality time together. And Mothers day celebrations were no different. Mothers day has always been a day to be thankful for all that our loving and caring mothers have done for us over the years. But i didn’t really truely appreciate mothers day until i became a mother myself.
It goes without saying that when Jacobi was born and grew his wings, my world turned upside down but i have also grown in many ways from our experience of baby loss. The greatest gift of these is finally understanding the meaning of a mothers unconditional love. I will be forever grateful for the motherly bond that blossomed over six months as Jacobi grew in my tummy. It helped guide me through his birth, his funeral and every milestone of his since. It’s a love that has followed Jacobi from this world to the stars. It’s a love that knows no bounds and will never ever fade. So it’s a love that should be celebrated and the reason i will always keep his memory alive.
The challenge we face as bereaved parents though, is society’s perception of what a mother’s love should look like.
For those of us without our children here in our arms, the opportunities to celebrate this love are few and far between. So naturally Mothers day has become another annual milestone to celebrate my love for Jacobi.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t a difficult day, full of mixed emotions underpinned by grief and longing but it can also be a day to celebrate feeling close to our babies, to remember the moments of happiness we shared and to cherish that feeling and the warmth it brings.
Since Jacobi passed I've learnt to show my love for him in whatever way feels motherly to me. On mothers day in particular that might be writing a letter to Jacobi, making a flower arrangement for his grave, singing a lullaby to him, looking through his memory box and photos or day dreaming about what he’s up to. I also feel comforted when our friends and family honour Jacobi on mothers day too. Sometimes they send a message or a card or even flowers but its the thought that counts. It reminds me that if love could have saved Jacobi, i know he would have lived forever. Now though, he’ll live on in our hearts and through celebrations like Mothers Day.