Mother's Day for me has always been about everyone else.... about my mum, my nans, my mother in law, my sister in laws, my friends.... never about me, and oddly for a while that was totally fine, because despite all the rubbish I believed some day it would be about me. It honestly didn't affect me that much in the beginning...until it did, and that was only in recent times, because the quest just felt relentless.
We've been trying to conceive and make our family for the last 6.5 years, after receiving the wondrous initial "unexplained infertility" diagnosis! We've been through 9 rounds of IVF, in 4 different clinics, in 3 different countries.... and we've have ridden the emotional rollercoaster of infertility more times than I want to remember. The medication, the injections, the random places i've taken those drugs, the appointments, the dates with wanda, the scans, the tears, the laughs, the supplements, the diary free/ gluten free diet, the no drinking, the getting sh*tfaced.... but above all the desire to have a family. Relentless.
Although it's lovely to recognise and appreciate mums, both our families have never placed over amounts of emphasis on it. It's all pretty relaxed, just lunch and any excuse to get together, no lavish gifts or gestures, which is actually lovely.,.... but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect you in some way. I think for a while it was such the norm that I wasn't a mum, that I barely thought about it... until i did. Sometimes you just wanted it to be you, to be the one receiving the card, and getting the attention, and that's ok to admit....and yes sometimes it hurt when maybe people didn't realise....
But I have always viewed it as just a day, and I will continue to do so, because it is. It doesn't stop you "mothering" every other day of the year, whether you hold a baby in your arms or not, and I think that is what should be celebrated. I know I was a "mother" long before any of this, when I pick up my nieces and nephews from school, when I go to my goddaughters school concert, look after friends kids when they need to, and listen to my friends vent about parenting and try to help them, because it's all out of love. That's what it means... It is what you make of it, and I know it's hard to not to be bombarded with it in the run up, but it's ok to shut yourself away if you want to, or to tell people that you are finding it hard, or accept it is what it is, or use it as a fuel to help you believe in what will hopefully come. It's just a day and one that will pass.
Now, i'm in the amazingly fortunate position to actually be pregnant on Mothers Day this year! Through the miracle of egg donation, we are now expecting our little boy in June! It still doesn't feel real, and I won't really believe it until he is here, but it is real.... and yes it will be lovely to get a card next year and have someone call me mummy (or at least vomit in my direction!), but it doesn't define me, and if you can you shouldn't let it either. Big love to all the " mothers" out there. K 💋