My name is Lucy and I’m the founder of the #rainbowrunnungclub and #rainbowyogaclub I LOVE running ~ something I still find odd saying “out loud” after 35 years of telling myself “I wasn’t sporty, and I couldn’t run”. I’m now passionate about sharing the mental health and well-being benefits of running, yoga and mindfulness.
I discovered running as a way to process my grief following a five-year journey of trying and failing to have babies. I lost my first baby at seven weeks and then found myself in a world where I didn’t really know where I belonged anymore, I felt lost, alone and angry at the unfairness of it all. With too many unanswered questions.
My third loss acted as a catalyst, something inside of me snapped and I had to do something.
I’d lost all sense of understanding, nothing made sense anymore, I couldn’t comprehend how this could happen again. There were a lot of WHY ME?
Everything I believed in was pulled into question, I am a “good person” what did I do to deserve such heartache?
The hardest thing to comprehend is there is no rhyme of reason as to why we are dealt the hand that we are, that there is often no answer as to why we have lost our babies. That we are often left with more questions than answers.
How do you keep getting up after such heartbreak, how do you keep going? How would I ever feel like me again?
Through running, yoga and mindfulness I have slowly re discovered who “Lucy” is ~ I’m not the same person I was six years ago but I have found a new happinesses. I still carry my grief with me & now understand I will for the rest of my life. Some days are easier, others I feel as though I’ve been hit in the face by a giant tidal wave of grief and of what could have beens.
I now create the events I wish had existed when I was going through the darkness of infertility and baby loss. The community I wish I’d had in those moments of feeling totally alone and misunderstood.
So if you find yourself navigating your way through the darkness of infertility and baby loss then please know you are not alone there is a whole #rainbowtribe who will walk alongside you every step of the way and who will help you to hold on to hope even in the moments when it feels impossible. Who will share your tears with you and who will never tell you “to just” or say the words “at least”
We also enjoy cake ~ well I do so it features a lot in all that I do ~ because life is about balance and cake makes me happy.